tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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