fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
