I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
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