i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
