I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
false alarm. still invincible.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
