He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
