Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just invented taco cereal.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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