She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
