I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
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just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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