Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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