So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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