I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
