In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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