Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
