So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
