Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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