Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Dear god my vagina.
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