i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
