she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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