apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
