She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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