Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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