I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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