my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
