Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
