Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We have started to decorate penises.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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