I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
