Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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