I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
