Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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