...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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