I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
