I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
