you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
