If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
whose parrot is this?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever