we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I wish you could order shots online.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.