Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
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After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
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Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.