I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway