Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
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Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
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I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner