she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
