I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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