you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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