omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
