You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
