Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
