sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
