i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
