I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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