im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I need to sanitize my soul.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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