My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
