i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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