Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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