You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I want her autograph on my taint
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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