Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
