Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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