I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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