I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
