Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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