party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize