A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
dude. I can hear the air.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
