ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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