New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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