Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Randomize
