listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
