Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
