I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
