i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
