she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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