her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
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We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
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On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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