i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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