He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
