i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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