He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
