She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
