So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
