I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
