i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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