I'm going to rape someone's good day.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
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