Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
