well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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