I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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