...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
