I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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