Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
