My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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