she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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