possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
