Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
