There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
