Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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