idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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