It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
