Pregnant stripper...not hot.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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