I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
