I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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